I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
