Define "chronic" masturbator.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
