We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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