I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
