Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
