It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
