are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
