I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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