I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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