please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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