I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
