Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
