I'm going to jail i love you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
