Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I supernannyed him into submission
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
