It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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