eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
