A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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