I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
