dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just invented taco cereal.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
