So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
