somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
