so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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