beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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