I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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