Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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(917): View more from New York City

we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability

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(252): View more from North Carolina

It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

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(574): View more from Indiana

all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.

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