i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
