You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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