He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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