watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
