I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
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He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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