Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
