it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
