i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
