So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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