Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
