Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
