I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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