I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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