dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
