if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
