ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
