how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
