well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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