Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
