Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
