I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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