As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
