after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i came on her dog
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
