I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
