This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A+ Viking dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
