FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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