no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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