I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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