my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't notice because vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
