I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
