he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
