you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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