Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
