I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
