your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
