Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.