Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
