When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
