Pregnant stripper...not hot.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
