I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
