Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
