Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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