Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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