Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
