my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
